Disclaimer: Profanity is involved, so please abstain if you are offended by it!
November is National Family Caregivers Month, otherwise known by the fabulous acronym NaFaCaMo. While we at Who Lives Like This?! are thrilled to have a whole month dedicated to celebrating our fabulous selves, we can't help but laugh at the profane possibilities of both pronouncing its acronym and -- well -- the comic liberties of celebrating caregivers in general.
Our beloved Sandra Stein, who graced us with her inimitable wit some months ago, is back in today's podcast, reading poetry, regaling us with stories of caregiving and even Mother FaCaing Miracles! Enjoy, and please join our FaceBook group to send us YOUR stories!
All in a Mother FaCa'ing Day
Sandra Joy Stein
Medicaid, they say, will no longer pay,
I have, quote, failed to submit the new rate.
But my insurance hasn't said what they'll charge, so my son,
May not be cost-effective to New York State.
And we're losing another night nurse to the grind
The new one bit off more than he could chew
The enteral supplies prescription expired,
Supply company doesn't know what to do.
And, by the way, what my son needs each day,
The insurance will cover just twelve,
It comes in boxes of ten, and they're sorry again,
That they don't have a box on the shelf.
And the pharmacy told me they can no longer fill
The prescriptions they've covered for years
Their contract with Medicaid was allowed to expire,
What's the deal with all these profiteers?
This madness as Congress prepares for a war
with our pre-existing kids, now not covered
My son was quite woke, agitated all night,
His night nurse and I stood there and hovered.
Before leaving for work I sprint getting him ready
Dress, brush, feed, meds, transfer to chair,
The bus with the lift is not on time today,
Tho I raced hard to get him down there.
Then the car line behind is growing impatient
Horns honking a cacophonous squawk,
I give death glares to drivers, so impatient, and rude,
Hey, your honking won't get him to walk.
Yes, I too have a day-job, and it's full-time to boot
So I make 5000 calls between meetings,
School, hospitals, nurses, therapists, docs,
Insurance companies all welcome my greetings
Hello, I say, then I say my son's name
Then his birthdate and reason I'm calling
Then I thank them profusely for doing their job,
Even when what they tell me is appalling.
They start with a "No," "Not covered," "Not allowed,"
"Can't happen's" their conventional wisdom,
Then I do my aikido extreme-momma moves
Til they get the "No" out of their system.
I try not to yell or to curse or to flinch
Not to pander, scream, insult or weep,
In truth I don't always achieve this,
You know, I'm doing this on almost no sleep.
It's the profits you see, that they're trained to protect,
Not my son's life, which is my life's main purpose
So I humor, cajole, charm, beg, shame and scold,
I'm a warrior-mom three-ring circus.
But, alas... it's National Family Caregivers Month
NaFaCaMo for those in the know,
Because caring for loved ones is serious work
And I'm the biggest Mother FaCa I know.
The month now November, thank goodness, it's here
As we move on with glee from October,
With great fanfare and cheer maybe wine and some beer.
Oh, wait, to manage this I need to stay sober.
So....to my fierce and determined family caregiver clan
Who G-d really gave something hard to,
But certainly not harder than what we can handle
Cause there's a month now for me and for you.
It's amazing, it's glorious, our hard work rewarded,
We're finally gaining some ground,
Because if there's a whole month for a group that you're in,
Well, you're probably FaC’ed all year round.